never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just want nice things and good sex
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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