Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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