Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
