Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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