Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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