I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
