she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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