I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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