We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
