Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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