this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize