She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think people are normalizing furries
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
