I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
