He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
