It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
