Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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