someone threw a dead crab at me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
