Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
