There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
