just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
