A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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