Will you blow on my dice?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
