we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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