Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
