sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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