this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
