She said her name was "party"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
