I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
