Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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