Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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