Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Congratulations! We have a period
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