Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
