i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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