I think i peed on brittanys purse
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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