bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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