i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
