I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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