I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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