she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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