the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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