hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
