yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
