Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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