can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
