What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
