I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
