Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
