i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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