At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
