We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Four minutes until I can fart!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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