So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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