There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
