he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
