I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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