I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
50% drunk capacity currently
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think I just sharted jello shots
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
