Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
