The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
