after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The feeling are messing with the penis
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
