I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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