Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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