zippers are such a cool invention
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
