considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Alive.
So much puke
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
