i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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