So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
