we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
