You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
