the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
