Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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