i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
