dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
