worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Michael Bay diarrhea
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
