I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
