; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
