Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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