I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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