she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
