can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
