Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
