Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
