Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
