i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
