if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
