u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
