so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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