By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
