Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
