I want to have your abortion
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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