I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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