I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize