Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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