is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
