i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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