The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
