My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
