The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
