When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I will be naked everywhere
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
