I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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