I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
