I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she told me i tasted like america
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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