"it" just moved
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
